Anxiety, ADHD & The Serenity Prayer [Journey Before Destination II]

Stormlight, Midnight Mass, Existence and mental health reflections

Coalescing Thoughts

It's been a frustrating week to live in my head. (When is it not, you might ask, and touché good reader. Point well made.) You see I've lately been pushing myself to be more socially active again, after a number of bad and mixed experiences and even more periods of inadvertent isolation. Getting out more has been highly rewarding: I've met lovely new people, picked up new interests and even found myself exploring different parts of the city I've lived in all my life.

It has also meant confronting my lifelong nemesis, social anxiety, at every turn. The beast rends and tears at me on battlefields old and new, growing on my spilled blood and expanding to demand my attention at all hours. And of course its threats are empty... except I have been wrong about that before. What if I am again?

This post will follow up on ideas from a number of previous entries, including ADHD & Guilt, ADHD, Queerness, Chaos & Categorization and Journey Before Destination [Part I]. Consider checking back with those for additional context! As usual, I'll hyperlink others as they come up.

Anyway; writing about The Shining and Doctor Sleep last week (and getting a thoughtful reply from a kind reader!) got me thinking once again about Midnight Mass, and specifically about how the show brilliantly ties in the 'Serenity Prayer' with Riley and Father Pruitt's personal struggles. The prayer is strongly associated with Alcoholics Anonymous, and its most common wording reads:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." – (First attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr in 1932.)

Father Pruitt from Midnight Mass, art by greerby

Application

Now obviously, you can take or leave God, and even the idea that this needs to be a 'prayer'. Invoke whatever force you like! In Midnight Mass, Riley ultimately acts on behalf of his friend Erin, humanity and – simply but profoundly – himself. I think an entirely reasonable Serenity Affirmation could read:

"I [will] have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Either way, it conveys an important idea – especially if you let it grow with you. (Not that long ago, a younger me probably dismissed it as little more meaningful than ‘Hang In There’ or ‘Live, Laugh, Love’.) Many things in our lives are beyond our control: events of the past, the feelings and actions of other people, the unpredictable world around us. The main thing we do have control over is ourselves. And of course it is essential that we be able to tell the difference*.

*(Granted there's a huge ambiguity here in how we as individuals relate to societal issues – our level of responsibility, the possible impact we can have and whether that anxiety/guilt is ultimately productive – but that's a topic I'll leave for another time, if not another writer.)

I can only ever uphold my end of any social situation; the rest is entirely out of my hands, no matter how many seconds or hours I spend crafting a message, or mentally simulating possible outcomes. Such thinking, that just a little more effort or analysis will eliminate anxiety, is as flawed as the anxious thoughts themselves. That way lies only madness.

I can't say that internalizing these words has instantly slain my demons, but it has at least quieted them. To reference one of those previous posts, it calms the hell out of the ADHD maelstrom in my mind to simply cross off a task that would otherwise fester and mutate. As for more tangible problems, I can only do my best to watch out for them and avoid them.

Art by MK Cooper

Stormlight Examples

This is a post about mental health, so you know I'm obligated to bring up The Stormlight Archive (light spoilers ahead, including for Wind and Truth). I previously wrote about the first Ideal of all Knights Radiant in the books – "Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination" – as being an incredibly important reminder of the ups and downs in anyone's attempt to improve their mental health.

It turns out Kaladin's journey also ends up touching on similar ideas to the Serenity Prayer, with his Second, Fourth and Fifth Ideals reading:

"I will protect those who cannot protect themselves." "I accept that there will be those I cannot protect!" "I will protect myself, so that I may continue to protect others."

As I established in that previous piece, Kaladin is a quintessentially good, heroic character who desires to fight injustice and save innocent lives wherever and whenever possible. His Second Ideal is his declaration that he will do what good he can, his Fourth is his acceptance that there are situations beyond his control and ability to intervene, and his Fifth is his recognition that he must approach his work mindfully. (Perhaps a bit of a stretch on connecting that last, but I think there's a parallel there.)

I think the Serenity Prayer also ties directly into Dalinar, Szeth and Shallan's experiences with guilt, as I discussed in this piece. It's fascinating to me that many readers see Dalinar as irredeemable after seeing his past atrocities in Oathbringer, and I think that opinion is mirrored by many characters in Sanderson's world. Yet Dalinar accepts that he cannot change the past and (I think) does his absolute best in the present. What more is there?

Kaladin & Syl, art by Ari Ibarra

Firefly (Adieu)

Gosh, wouldn't it be cool if the Serenity Prayer came up in Firefly or Serenity? The themes are certainly there, with a found family coming together to improve their lives and make what differences they can. I'll very much need to re-watch the series before I write about it, but hopefully that day will come. I sincerely hope the title didn't mislead anyone!

Say it with me now:

"I [will] have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Thanks for reading and until next time <3