Journey Before Destination [I]

What Kaladin Stormblessed taught me about my mental health

The Storm Returns

I was harshly reminded yesterday that improving one's mental health is never a linear journey. I've made a lot of progress in recent months and years towards understanding who I am and how my brain works, and towards becoming more confident at things that have always been uncomfortable for me.

But yesterday it just took a few simple factors coming together to make me feel like I'd returned to ground zero; overstimulation and anxiety paralyzing me in the middle of a social gathering just like they would back in high school. But I also know it wasn't actually a total reset, thanks in no small part to reading Kaladin's harrowing journey in Brandon Sanderson's The Stormlight Archive.

I've written about The Stormlight Archive half a dozen times at this point, most recently in my look at non-binary characters across speculative fiction; I also have a piece explaining the books' titles which might serve as a bit of a recap if you need it! (I'm thinking of making a master list of my posts to improve navigability, but for now you can always search my website to find all my mentions of a book, character, author, etc.)

(Kaladin-focused spoilers for the first four Stormlight books below.)

Kaladin and Sylphrena, by MyCKs

The Immortal Words

As I've written about before with Dalinar, Stormlight is as much about its characters' internal struggles as their physical and societal ones. The Knights Radiant essentially gain their magical powers by growing and improving as people, as symbolized by the first words they all must swear: "Life before Death, Strength before Weakness, Journey before Destination."

I find these words deeply meaningful, and I'm hardly alone – here's just one thread where readers discuss what they personally take from them. To me they are fundamentally about mindfulness; taking things a step at a time. And speaking of, while I'm sure I'll return to reflecting on the words more in the future, today I want to talk about Kaladin.

Sole Survivor

I won't go into full detail here: Kaladin's journey through the first five Stormlight novels is long and difficult, to the point of deeply affecting many readers. His main internal journey is with depression, fueled by no small amount of survivor's guilt and reaching back into his childhood when he was vulnerable to seasonal affective disorder during the long weeks of constant rainfall known as 'the Weeping'.

Kaladin is a good person, with a strong sense of morality and compassion – a phenotypical fantasy protagonist if you ever saw one. Yet he is consistently met with callous societal injustice, and his attempts to heroically right these wrongs always seem to get the people around him hurt or killed. Things get very, very dark for him as his mental association between heroic action and painful loss grows.

Kaladin at Honor Chasm, by Jessi Ochse

But Sylphrena, his fairy-like Spren companion, convinces Kaladin to keep fighting. Their growing bond grants him the ability to protect his fellow Bridgemen, to begin training them and take the first steps towards becoming the heroic leader he was meant to be. And if mental health was a linear journey, that would be that; problem solved, character arc complete.

No, that's only the first (admittedly very big step) Kaladin takes. His progression as a Knight Radiant requires him to grow in ways that are often uncomfortable: swearing to protect even those he hates, accepting there are those he can't protect and more. It's painful, but he grows as a person and as a hero over the course of the books.

There's a moment toward the end of Rhythm of War where Kaladin is in the greatest despair we've seen since he took that first step on his path to wellbeing. His powers have been almost completely stripped from him along with Syl's companionship, the world is completely against him and his attempted heroics have just led to the death of one of his closest friends. He feels exactly like he's back at the beginning; perhaps worse for how pointless all his erstwhile efforts have been.

But Kaladin isn't alone; he has done a lot of good and has (very powerful) people in his corner who are able to offer shelter and solace in the storm. He's able to pick himself up once more.

"You told me it would get worse. It will, but then it will get better. Then it will get worse again. Then better. This is life, and I will not lie by saying every day will be sunshine. But there will be sunshine again, and that is a very different thing to say. That is truth. I promise you, Kaladin: You will be warm again." Hoid to Kaladin - Brandon Sanderson, Rhythm of War

Kaladin, by NovyIsPainting

Taken to Heart

Ooof, I'd forgotten how hard that quote hits. Obviously everyone's journey is different – I don't think there are any evil gods focused on turning me into their champion, like Kaladin had to deal with – but I think Sanderson did a truly beautiful job of capturing what one person's might look like. I think I was able to bounce back from my experience yesterday a lot faster than I might have, thanks to having experienced Kaladin's story and others like it.

Journey before destination. There will be sunshine again.

Thanks for reading and until next time <3