Published September 20, 2023 I’ve spent years interrogating myself with that question as I struggled to comprehend my gender identity and function with undiagnosed anxiety and ADHD. Whether forcing myself to stand up and deliver a torturous presentation in class or fumbling through my first attempt at painting my nails, that annoying question grounded me by returning focus to my core values. I had made a decision to act, and despite my nerves I was deciding to follow through. Choosing again. This time two years ago - September 17th 2021, to be exact - I sat in my parents’ backyard on a cool, cloudy day and without warning, sobbed disgustingly for over an hour. There’s always a multitude of factors when a dam breaks, but I think it can often be simplified down to 1) an underlying problem and 2) a catalyst. In this case I had 1) recently learned my grandmother had passed away and 2) just finished a four-part series of science fiction novels by Dan Simmons, called the “Hyperion Cantos”. I highly recommend the series for its shrewd look at humanity, religion, and the value of art and artists - though unfortunately the author’s attempts at writing women are laughable at times. I reference it here for the philosophy it offers toward the end of the final book: “Choose again,” she said firmly. “Care to elaborate on that?” “No,” said Aenea. “That’s the whole idea. Keep it simple. But name a category and you get the idea.” “Religion,” I said. “Choose again,” said Aenea. I laughed. (Dan Simmons, Rise of Endymion) Reassess from your current perspective, then either recommit or adapt to new circumstances. Anxiety may have been my gateway into this mindset, but I imagine there are many potential avenues. What are transgender people doing every time they walk out the door in clothes that match their identity? What is an accessibility advocate doing when they send their tenth letter requesting a ramp or elevator installation? What are police-oppressed people doing every time they interact politely with an officer? Choosing again. These people are all making rational decisions in circumstances where their core values are being met with adversity. Given that description could apply to just about any protagonist in their own story, what’s the point of examining all this? “dogma”: a fixed, especially religious, belief or set of beliefs that people are expected to accept without any doubts (Cambridge Dictionary) Worshiping, working, and buying without a thought. Fearing and attacking anyone who departs from the norms handed down from on high. Truth is whatever comes out of the ruler’s mouth. It’s straight out of ‘1984’, Nazi Germany, and the wet dreams of corporate executives. To choose again is fundamentally to think for oneself. Strengthened by education and empathy, I think it is a powerful weapon against the insidious dogmas in our society. It can help to reaffirm our morals when we’re down and help us identify problematic societal voices we have internalized. On a smaller scale, it is to be more conscious of our actions. Drinking more water, considering whether to watch the next episode in a binge, or to reach out to a friend you haven’t heard from in a while. It is to confront those passive parts of life with conscious thought. Choose again. Thank you for choosing to read this far! My plan for this blog is to discuss and analyze ideas, characters, and motifs from literature which have been meaningful to me - especially those like ‘choose again’ which have stuck with me months or years after setting a book down. I’ll generally take a closer look at the text(s) in question, but giving sufficient context for a work like the ‘Hyperion Cantos’ would be a long essay in and of itself. I wanted to start with this topic in order to convey how I enjoy examining real world issues through the lens of literature - especially science fiction and fantasy. Until next time!

Published by Zach Laengert on October 5, 2023. How would you be different if you'd seen proper representation all your life? To have prominent and diverse examples of race, gender, queerness, disability, neurodivergence, and anything else visible in the media you consume and amongst the people who made it. In that world I probably began working on my anxiety and ADHD in middle school, rather than halfway through my seven-year Bachelor’s. I’d have explored my gender identity early, and found acceptance for myself rather than languishing behind the bars of perceived masculinity. Take it a step further and imagine a society where we consistently learn about colonialism, discrimination and erasure of culture. How much can we change just by telling and consuming better stories? I firmly believe that stories are the closest we can come to experience another person’s life. Opening their eyes, feeling the unique tension of their body, hearing their alien yet familiar inner monologue. Stories are where we can try on different modes of thinking, imagine ourselves in novel situations, and decide the characters we’d like to emulate and those whose entrance to a room would have us careening toward an exit. I spent the first two decades of my life reading characters and authors who carried the perspective of white, cisgender, heterosexual men and occasionally women. In cases like Harry Potter, diversity and progress were not only lacking but actively avoided and discouraged. Ann Leckie’s Ancillary Justice should have changed my life, when I read it for my Science Fiction Literature class at the University of Toronto in 2015. The novel explores a society in which everybody is referred to by she/her pronouns, fully eliminating societal expectations of gender and sexual orientation as a mere backdrop to Leckie’s tale about intrigue and colonialism. Our instructor presented this as an interesting literary choice and, it being years before I would begin to grasp these issues and their importance to me, I took it as such. I wish I knew whether more socially conscious classmates brought up those issues back then. In that other world, those might have been incredible friends to me during my time at university. A trans author I utterly admire is Yoon Ha Lee. His Machineries of Empire trilogy is a masterpiece of exploring queerness through and alongside intense internal, societal, and violent conflicts. I can identify with Kel Brezan – a trans man struggling to prove he can obey, fight and die as well as his comrades – more easily than any traditionally masculine character I can think of. Kel Cheris having her mind partially subsumed by Shuos Jedao and the centuries of trauma he has experienced transforms them into a fascinating character who exploits perceptions of their identity to survive and succeed. Kel Cheris from Lee's Machineries of Empire Yoon Ha Lee also wrote Phoenix Extravagant, which depicts a non-binary main character living and working under a foreign occupation which doesn’t recognize their gender. Their job is to destroy their own cultural art and history as part of producing the magical paint by which the foreign nation conquers. The more significant the cultural work destroyed, the stronger the weapon they hand to their oppressors. The Masquerade series by Seth Dickinson holds a place very close to my heart. It features an indigenous lesbian who has dedicated her life to destroying from within the capitalist, colonialist society that obliterated her people’s way of life. Baru commits atrocities, betrayals and brutal sacrifices in pursuit of this goal. The series truly hooked me when I realized that she is not alone, and further that their attempts to steer the machine into collapse are exactly what empower it and keep it moving. Well, that and the absolutely stunning worldbuilding and pseudo-scientific advances Dickinson has dreamed up. Stories like these not only serve to normalize diversity of representation, but also to convey critical ideas and lessons from history. I was 23 when I first saw someone whose gender expression I could identify with. Only even more recently am I hearing people talk about ADHD and neurodivergence openly and in a way that promotes education. If Harry Potter or any average YA series featured a quarter of the representation of the books I discussed in this blog, I believe the world would be a markedly better place. All it takes is consuming more diverse media and bringing those lessons to our own work – so let’s start here and now.

Posted by Zach Laengert on October 19, 2023 My Promise: The promise of my blog is to share socially significant themes in the media I consume, and critically engage with them through my own experiences and other relevant works. When a reader opens my newsletter/blog, they will find: a) A new perspective on a social issue – perhaps one they were unaware of b) A new great piece of media recommended to them – or analysis that brings back fond memories if they’ve already engaged with it c) Tools with which they can more critically engage with the media they consume. “War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who remains.” ― R.F. Kuang, The Poppy War [i] I am terrified as I witness from afar the gut-wrenching conflict that has been raging between Israel and Palestine for the past twelve days – and 75 years.[ii] I’ve spent most of my life ignorant of many serious issues in the world, hiding out beneath the emotional shelter of fiction. Only in the last few years have I begun peeking out at and trying to understand social injustices, their origins and how they are being approached and discussed. It’s no coincidence that in the same period I have greatly expanded the quantity and variety of media I consume - including Rebecca F. Kuang’s debut fantasy novel, The Poppy War. “We are not madmen. But how can we convince anyone of this, when the rest of the world believes it so?” ― R.F. Kuang, The Poppy War [iii] Kuang’s novel depicts a nation shaped by violence, drawing on 20th-century Chinese history and politics including the brutality of the Second Sino-Japanese War.[iv] The novel’s protagonist Fang Runin – often shortened to Rin – is one of the last two survivors of a racial and cultural genocide.[v] This trauma becomes inherent to her existence, leading her to anger and addiction before she ends the book by single-handedly destroying the nation who annihilated her people.[vi] It is this intensity of emotion and violence that helped prepare me, just a bit, to learn about the Israel-Palestine conflict over the past week. “How could she compare the lives lost? One genocide against another—how did they balance on the scale of justice? And who was she, to imagine that she could make that comparison?” ― R.F. Kuang, The Poppy War [vii] On October 7th, the militant group Hamas launched an unexpected assault against Israel. By the 15th, over 1,400 Israelis had been killed and over 120 had been abducted.[viii] Uncondoned by the Palestinian people, Hamas’ attack was decided by the continually worsening state of Palestinian living conditions and access to human rights in what has become an “open air prison”.[ix] Attempts at negotiation with Israel – seen as responsible for the oppression of Palestinians – have consistently failed, and the world’s attention had moved on from the desperate conditions being faced there.[x] “If you were the victim, what could you say to make your tormentor recognize you as human? How did you get your enemy to recognize you at all?” ― R.F. Kuang, The Poppy War [xi] More than 3,758 Palestinians have been murdered in the past twelve days, and over 13,000 have been wounded.[xii] Despite being victims of the October 7th attack, Israel has more than defense or even retribution in mind. Far-right Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu has stated, “We will obliterate Hamas. We will triumph. It might take time, but we will end this war stronger than ever.”[xiii] “It’s easy to be brave. Harder to know when not to fight.” ― R.F. Kuang, The Poppy War [xiv] In the final pages of The Poppy War, Rin channels a destructive god of fire and wrath to destroy the entire island nation of Mugen. She does so after learning of their military’s genocide against her people, and witnessing horrific war crimes – Kuang adapts the brutality of the Nanking Massacre[xv] in a nightmare inducing sequence – committed against the nation where she grew up. Israel increasingly appears to be intent on taking the same path forward, pursuing utter genocide against Palestine in response to the actions of Hamas.[xvi] Why and how is this apparently being allowed? “Power dictates acceptability.” ― R.F. Kuang, The Poppy War [xvii] Empress Su Daji from The Poppy War by Angelika Nidua Buergo Speculative fiction frequently explores the relationship between power and morality. In the above quote, Kuang rephrases ‘might makes right’ to fit the voice of a sophisticated, scholarly character.[xviii] Cliché or no, the idea seems to explain the world’s reaction to continued Israeli aggression. A long-time political and military partnership with the United States among many other nations has placed Israel in a position of social power and influence.[xix] They have leveraged that international standing in order to evade condemnation for current actions against Palestine. Katherine Gallagher of the Center for Constitutional rights stated: “U.S. officials can be held responsible for their failure to prevent Israel’s unfolding genocide, as well as for their complicity, by encouraging it and materially supporting it.”[xx] “I am a mortal who has woken up, and there is power in awareness.” ― R.F. Kuang, The Poppy War [xxi] I’ve found a lot of similarities and connections between the current conflict and The Poppy War, but it is also essential to note the differences. Rin’s fiery genocide is made possible for her by a primal force of rage and destruction, which would consume her and burn the entire world if it had its way. Israel on the other hand, is relying on the people and nations of the world to stand by and do nothing as they systematically eradicate a people and culture. “They were monsters!" Rin shrieked. "They were not human!" "Have you ever considered," he said slowly, "that that was exactly what they thought of us?” ― R.F. Kuang, The Poppy War [xxii] The Poppy War explores a lot of deeply important issues, as evidenced by the harrowing quotes I have included throughout. Central to both the novel and the current atrocity is a disregard for the humanity of one’s enemies. This dehumanization “is viewed as a central component to intergroup violence … groups are placed outside the boundary in which moral values, rules, and considerations of fairness apply.”[xxiii] The first book in a trilogy which continues to explore these issues, The Poppy War doesn’t ultimately offer a solution to this issue. Certainly 75 years of conflict between Israel and Palestine – immediately following the atrocities of the Second World War – don’t seem to signify an impending solution either. “They’ll make you an outsider, because you’re not like them. That’s okay. Don’t let any of that discourage you. No matter what they say, you deserve to be here.” ― R.F. Kuang, The Poppy War [xxiv] I firmly believe that fiction can help us to comprehend and organize our thoughts about real world issues. Kuang’s writing certainly gave me new insights into East Asian history, and I think it can also illuminate the core aspects of incredibly complex situations like that currently playing out in the Middle East. In our world, there is no malevolent Phoenix god willing us all to burn and destroy. We have only ourselves, and I hope we can find our lost humanity before it is too late. Notes [i] Kuang, R.F. The Poppy War. HarperCollins, 2018. p. 233. [ii] Morris, Benny. 1948: A History of the First Arab-Israeli War. Yale University Press, 2008. p. 79. [iii] Kuang, 196. [iv] https://web.archive.org/web/20180513080849/https://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/sci-fi-fantasy/cover-story-poppy-war-epic-debut-inspired-20th-century-china/ [v] Kuang, 99. [vi] Kuang, 502-3. [vii] Kuang, 520. [viii]https://www.barrons.com/news/over-1-400-killed-in-hamas-attacks-on-israel-pm-office-787d2b0f?refsec=topics_afp-news [ix] https://www.wionews.com/world/explained-how-gaza-strip-became-the-worlds-largest-open-air-prison-646668 [x] https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/09/middleeast/israel-hamas-gaza-war-explained-mime-intl/index.html [xi] Kuang, 432. [xii] https://english.palinfo.com/news/2023/10/19/Gaza-Death-toll-surges-to-over-3-785-as-Israel-s-carnage-persists [xiii]https://www.economist.com/international/2023/10/16/israel-needs-to-resist-irrational-retaliation [xiv] Kuang, 458. [xv] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nanjing_Massacre [xvi] https://www.aljazeera.com/program/newsfeed/2023/10/19/this-is-genocide-not-war-gaza-destruction-sparks-protests-across-world [xvii]Kuang, 68. [xviii]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Might_makes_right [xix] https://www.state.gov/u-s-relations-with-israel-2/ [xx] https://theintercept.com/2023/10/19/israel-gaza-biden-genocide-war-crimes/ [xxi] Kuang, 185. [xxii] Kuang, 515. [xxiii]https://web.stanford.edu/~eberhard/downloads/2008-NotYetHuman.pdf [xxiv] Kuang, 40.

I'm frequently asked for suggestions of books to try, by people who have heard how much I read but have struggled to start - or finish - their latest attempt. In this post I have compiled a number of general suggestions of places to start reading great books, and where to go next if you fall in love with one of them like I did. Piranesi by Susanna Clarke (Otherworldly, contemplative, entrancing) I believe the experience of discovery is vital to enjoying a book, and Piranesi is especially difficult to describe without revealing too much. Try to go in as blank-minded as the amnesiac protagonist, and enjoy Clarke's ambient and mysterious storytelling. If you enjoy the otherworldly aspect of Piranesi, you might consider trying: The Unspoken Name by A.K. Larkwood (adds more fantasy elements) House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski (dives headfirst into questions of sanity) The Magicians by Lev Grossman (magic school with real, devastating consequences) The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins (endlessly dark, funny, and imaginative) The Murderbot Diaries: All Systems Red by Martha Wells (Action Sci-Fi, funny, lovable main character) Murderbot would love to watch their TV shows, but keeps needing to save their beloved humans who always seem to get themselves in trouble. The character has been seen as beautifully representitive of both neurodivergent and asexual/aromantic perspectives, in addition to being a lovable badass. Murderbot is everything. Most of the books are short and poignant, and Wells has developed a fascinating world and cast around the greatest point-of-view character to ever exist. If you like Murderbot, consider trying: Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie (broader space opera setting) Ninefox Gambit by Yoon Ha Lee (complex and endlessly fascinating) Dead Space by Kali Wallace (space-based action adventure) The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner (if Murderbot was political fantasy) Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson (Light Fantasy, fairy tale, introductory) I am a huge fan of Brandon Sanderson's Cosmere, a sprawling and interconnected world containing and serving as the backdrop for most of his fantasy novels. Tress, released in January 2023, serves as a perfect light-hearted introduction for Sanderson's tone and worldbuilding. If you already prefer more serious fantasy, I'd still recommend Tress but you could just as easily start with any of the books listed below. If you like Tress, consider trying one of Sanderson's other Cosmere books: Yumi and the Nightmare Painter (two souls connected between worlds) Mistborn: The Final Empire (heist/revolution with magic and great cast) Elantris (a young noble must deal with being chosen for damnation) Warbreaker (a vibrant and vicious world, with unforgettable characters) The Stranger Times by Caimh McDonnell (Urban Fantasy, funny, dark) I tend to have a fun time whenever a book sees our world playing host to fantastical creatures, and The Stranger Times is no exception. Join an humourously exasperated cast trying to determine what's real as the clock ticks down on a terrible ritual. The jokes here won't be for everyone - the first book especially leans into it's funny 'cause he's a conservative asshole - but give it a shot if some dark British humour is up your alley. If you like The Stranger Times, consider trying more urban fantasy(ish): Storm Front by Jim Butcher (the Dresden Files are incredible... after a few books) The City we Became by N.K. Jemisin (diverse avatars of New York assemble) The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton (weird murder mystery) The Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (secret societies and dark rituals at Yale) Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky (Speculative Sci-Fi, thought-provoking, wide scope of time and space) Another place where it will be best to avoid spoilers if possible! Children of Time explores evolution, first contact, human responsibility and so much more, in a truly special tale spanning millennia. It also has two excellent sequels so far! If you like Children of Time, consider trying: Semiosis by Sue Burke (focus on plants, instead of animals) The Three Body Problem by Cixin Liu (first contact and its implications) Pushing Ice by Alistair Reynolds (character driven journey through time) We are Legion (We are Bob) by Dennis Taylor (one nerd explores space) Assassin's Apprentice by Robin Hobb (Dark Fantasy, emotional, questions morality) Step into a complex and gripping fantasy world through the eyes of a young royal bastard surrounded by a truly special cast. The worst thing about this book is how generic it sounds, yet the story and characters within feel as deeply real and important as any book I've read. It is dark fantasy, so some Content Warnings: Violence to children and animals, suicidal ideation, misogyny, ableism. If you enjoy Assassin's Apprentice, read its sequels! Then consider trying: Prince of Thorns by Mark Lawrence (Clockwork Orange meets Grimdark Fantasy) The Black Company by Glen Cook (mercenaries serving evil magic empress) A Game of Thrones by George RR Martin (wider scope political fantasy) The Blacktongue Thief by Christopher Buehlman (dark D&D style adventure) Dracula by Bram Stoker (Horror, epistolary, mystery) I'm not totally convinced of the superiority of classic literature - as is probably evident by how recent most of these book are, - but Dracula just does so much right. I can't think of a better introduction to horror literature (and the epistolary style - stories told through letters, diaries, etc.) than this book's haunting ambience and slowly unfolding mystery. It is from 1897, so don't expect overmuch diversity or empathy toward characters who aren't white and male. If you enjoy Dracula, you might try: Anno Dracula by Kim Newman (alternate world history following Dracula) Salem's Lot by Stephen King (the prolific author's most similar work) Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu (short, features a lesbian vampire pre-Dracula) Fever Dream by Samanta Schweblin (a short and visceral horror story) Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel (Speculative Fiction, queer, emotional) Mandel's books explore the interconnected lives of diverse characters in worlds very similar to our own. Station Eleven is particularly notable, having been published just before the Covid-19 pandemic and being centered on a fictional pandemic of its own. There are strong ties to Mandel's Sea of Tranquility, which I also loved. If you enjoy Station Eleven, take a look at these: The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin (lovable family deals with supernatural insight) Gamechanger by L.X. Beckett (a potential utopian world after extreme struggles) The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin (dark and magical - who gets to be human?) Trail of Lightning by Rebecca Roanhorse (indigenous magic and action post-apocalypse) --- Send me a message or leave a comment if you end up trying any of these books. Thanks for visiting my blog and Happy Reading!